JUDY FROM THE BLOCK

JUDY FROM THE BLOCK

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

I'VE BEEN A BUSY BUSY GIRL

I mean seriously, I am not even sure if I took a shower yesterday or not....I know ewwwwwww.  I am not sure what the baby ate for dinner last night....but I know I fed her.  I am not sure if it's noon or midnight or even when to sleep...but I know it feels like a long time since I hit the bed and pillow without an interruption of some sort.  I am TIRED!
It's just been one thing after another around here since last month, some MAJOR good, some minor bad, some unexpected faces and voices, some in-law drama, a broken toe...I think ya'll get the picture. 

Since I have NO social life whatsoever, I have to thank Facebook again for keeping me sane through it all.  I have some of the GREATEST people on my Facebook that are so genuine and certainly care about Judy as much as I care about them.  You all know exactly who you are.  I'm overwhelmed with joy when someone reaches out for advice from "Dear Judy," or when someone just needs to vent about some personal issues.  We cannot always share all of our personal life on Facebook, and I appreciate those who listen to me privately and I love when I get a private message needing a little piece of Judy in return.  Without you all, I swear I would be in a rubber room somewhere.  

We had an unexpected call and then a visitor at our door this last week.  A blast from the past.  He's an old friend of ours.  We call him Stevie P.  I don't know why we put the emphasis on the "P", we just do...LOL.  We never just call him Stevie or Steve, it's always Stevie P.  Since I don't want to put his personal life out there, suffice to say that he needed to "get away" for a few days until things at home "cooled" down a bit.  It was fun to see him again, and to meet his extremely interesting girlfriend who is a doctor!  Her and I had a lot in common and it was fun to meet her.  I hope the best for those two.  While he stayed with us a few days, Bug and I learned some things NEVER change about Stevie P. since we met him 12 years ago.  He ALWAYS has the phone in his ear......ALWAYS!!



I had a day planned last weekend with my BESTIES for a pedi and lunch.  It seems like there was so much leading up to that day that was going to prevent me from attending.  NOT HAPPY ABOUT THAT! I needed that time with my besties to get away from babyland, hubbyland, and homeland.  I love my home and family, but I just needed a "me" minute.  Ya'll understand.  Well I guess the biggest hold up was the fact that I broke my toe on a chair in Destini's room the day before.  Solid wood chair!  It hurt so bad I cried!  There is nothing you can do about a broken toe, it just has to heal with time.  How ugly is a crooked unpedicured toe?


Me and the Bugster met up with Tony for "lunner" (that's part lunch/part dinner) at Coco's last week.  We kinda picked on the waitress a little bit because she was sorta snobby, she acted like she had a chip on her shoulder.  She acted like she didn't really want to be bothered with us...What's the matter haven't you ever seen a gay man, a black man, and a white woman before?  She really didn't like it when I ordered the baby some spaghetti (kids eat free).  I think she didn't think the baby would eat it....SHE FOOLED YOU LADY WAITRESS! 
No matter how bad the service was though, we are still good tippers.  I believe in that!



I should tell you that hubby has been on a diet.  He's really cut out on his scooby snacking and eating at a drive-thru everyday while working.  He has lost probably about 25 pounds so far.  I can see it in his belly, but also really in his face.                       
                                                           I LOVE MY BIG DADDY♥

We caught up with some other friends of ours a couple of weeks ago too, TJ, Chris, and their son, Anthony.  I have known Chris since he was 7 or 8 years old.  He is 33 now.  He is my nephew's BFF.  Chris is pretty much my nephew too.  I have always been "Aunt Judy" to him.  I am proud to say!   He has been married to TJ for like ever, and they have one child, Anthony.  They are FAMILY and we love when they come around.  We don't see each other as often as we should. 

TJ AND CHRIS
CHRIS AND ANTHONY
TJ AND DESI CHILLIN AT MY SISTER'S

I am NOT Smarter Than A Fifth Grader NOR am I Stronger Than An Infant.  I'll explain:  As a transcriptionist, I spell for a living.  I spell words like hepatosplenomegaly and electroencephalography every day.  Just comes natural, my fingers just flow on the keyboard when you have typed those words for over 15 years, but let me get to a word like niece or deceive or receipt, I will spell them wrong first go round every time.  I was never good at the "i before e except after c" thingy.  Thank goodness for spell checker, but this bothers me.  These are like 5th and 6th grade words.  I know I'm not an idiot, but obviously my brain didn't retain all that information in 5th grade.  Makes a strong argument for Destini one day when she says, "why do I have to learn this stuff, who remembers what they did in 5th grade?"  OUCH!  Hope when she grows up she don't read this blog.  If you are reading it....YES DESTINI, YOU WILL HAVE TO GO TO 5TH GRADE, DON'T ASK!

Now about me not being Stronger Than An Infant.  I was trying to unhook Destini's padding that goes on her swing...I was taking it off to put it in the washing machine.  The hook was on there good let me tell you, it just would not budge for me.  I remember watching Bug do it once before and he didn't make it look so hard (of course he can bench press 425 pounds too...no for realz).  I was sitting on the floor in her room and she was sitting on the floor with me watching my every move.  This baby reaches her hand up and hits the corner of the hook just in the right spot and snap, it came undone.  Are you kidding me?  I broke a sweat trying to get that thing off!  I musta loosened it for her.....just humor me here : /


I always brag about Schwan's Foods, as you know.  I decided to try their already made Italian meatballs.  Yeah I still think my own recipe is better, but this is a great great substitute...and a whole lot quicker.  From frozen straight to the oven, bake for 25 minutes.  I made my own marinara sauce using a can of stewed tomatoes, two cans of tomato sauce, and 1 can of tomato paste, an onion, a green pepper, a lot of water, some Italian dry spices, oh and I added the leftover grease from the meatballs (it wasn't much, but those drippings are good flavor).  The longer you cook your sauce, the better it tastes.  At the end, I added fresh basil...YUM!


I actually made it the first night for a spaghetti:

I froze the leftovers and will take them out later for meatball subs.  GREAT IDEA!


To make it a total Schwan's night, I bought an apple strudel (frozen), baked for 40 minutes, and we had a great dessert to go along with our pasta!  Hubby ate two pieces, I guess he liked it ☺

Stay tuned, I have a special blog just for Destini that I am putting together.  I cannot believe how big she has gotten and how much our lives have changed since she came along....

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

DIVORCED? I HAVE BEEN TOO! LETS TALK....

Please take the time to watch each video as you read my blog...there's a lot of meaning in each one

CHASING PAVEMENTS - ADELE



DIVORCE
Why this subject today?  Well, I'm not getting divorced folks, calm down!  Lord knows though...I have been there, done that!  I bring up this topic of conversation because I have a friend going through a divorce and all of our friends have gathered together in a quick fashion to help her through one of the toughest times and the emotional rollercoaster that we could ever go through in our life.  With divorce, you are instantly thrown into a whole new world...whether you wanted to or not.  Every stage you go through isn't overnight, it's a process.  Your own process and length of time comes from within:

Stage 1.  Physically and emotionally ill.  I like to think of it has a "cleansing" of sort, both mind and body.  At the time, it sure doesn't feel like it though.  It feels like you have been beat up with a baseball bat every day because your body aches.  You're so stressed out that your nauseated until you vomit.  The depression, the anxiety, the insomnia (oh the humanity folks...sleep deprivation is the worst).  It's hard to shut your mind down, racing thoughts of EVERYTHING going on in your noggin, not just one thing.  Crying so hard and so much until you are dehydrated.  Did I mention how much crying?  Believe me, crying!  This too shall pass...

The upside:  YOU WILL LOSE A TON OF WEIGHT AND LOOK FABULOUS FOR FUTURE DATING♥ 

Stage 2:  Angry and bitter (no...PISSED OFF)!  Hate is such a strong emotion, but you start to think of the lies they told, their deceit, you're humiliated now; thereby PISSED OFF!  You've realized it's really really over.  You hate them so much you could do physical harm if they were standing in your face.  You start bashing them to everybody, or just to yourself.  You're ready to tell their dirty little secrets you kept over the years.  You can convince yourself you never loved them (that's a lie) and they never loved you (that's another lie).  You are now ready to stand up and defend yourself , BUT, unfortunately, for evil, not good :(  It takes a while to not be angry and bitter anymore.  As time goes by, you realize it was harder on yourself to "hate" and carry around that burden of anger on your shoulders.  A sense of forgiveness will soon come to rest.  It's a beautiful feeling when that happens because that means it's the beginning of healing your heart.  With that comes tears as well, but a much different teardrop will fall from your eye.  Each tear represents healing.

EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER - VIVIAN GREEN



Stage 3:  Denial plus Acceptance.  Now you begin to think utter nonesense to yourself.  "Gonna be dang sorry you ever did this to me."  "Boy are you gonna miss me."  "Okay, we'll just see who needs who."  "I'll show them."  DENIAL, DENIAL, DENIAL.  Their reality right now is not your reality.  They haven't thought much about it actually  There are no ramifications to their decisions...YET!  They are out there "living it up" while you are at home going through REAL LIFE day after day after day.  As the days pass, okay okay as the months pass, you begin to realize to yourself they in fact aren't thinking about me and I'm sitting here watching life and friends and the world pass me by.  The walls are closing in on you.  A turnaround is overdue.  A strength (not physical, but mental) like you never knew you had will rush over you.  You get up, you do your hair, you put some makeup on and get outside and let the sunshine hit your face again.  Change your pattern....it's a start!  The days and nights don't seem so long any more, the crying isn't as often as it used to be, you've started physically moving your body again so that now that much needed sleep just "kicks in" on its own.  You're looking good, feeling better.  That alone makes others take notice of you now, and that makes for confidence!  

Upside for the second time:  DANG NEED SOME NEW CLOTHES, DONT FIT INTO ANYTHING!  Note:  You spent all your time in baggy sweats and baggy shorts that you forgot what it was like when you put real clothes on again and just how much they don't fit...YIPEE :)))) 

TIME TO FILE THE PAPERS, IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY!!!


OVER AND OVER AGAIN - NELLY AND TIM MCGRAW


As you are feeling a sparkle of life again, a kind of karma will find its way to you.  The other spouse is now beginning the process of their emotional grief and that wake-up call.  They panic!  Just be glad you are waaaaaaaay ahead of that.  It doesn't mean they necessarily want to get back together, or maybe they do; regardless, you are looking good, feeling good, and certainly much more emotionally stable.  The divorce process now either turns ugly or it goes smoothly.  For the first time, you are 100% completely in control of your life and THEY AREN'T.  You have stopped thinking about them every day.  You're making new friends, maybe even a new job.  It finally dawns on you that I really don't even care where you are, or what you are doing, or who you are doing it with.  You may even give them a shoulder to cry on....LOL!


Stage 4:  Introspection/Reflection.  As the divorce is full speed ahead and a court date is set, a fear of the unknown sets in.  Whether you are a spiritual person or not, I think we talk to God a whole lot during a divorce.  Prayers seem to come more regular in our life.  There's a sense of peace within yourself that you haven't had in quite a while.  It's okay to be alone!!  It's okay to have God, my family, and my friends in my life to make me happy.  That's called GROWTH....

MY LIFE - MARY J. BLIGE



"Love yourself first and everything else falls into line"...Lucille Ball
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"To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance"...Oscar Wilde
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"When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel.  Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free"....Catherine Ponder
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You are thinking more clearer than you have in months and months.  Reflecting on the bad memories is not as important as reflection on the good ones.  Letting it all go and realizing it will put a smile on your face.  There is no anger, sadness or bitterness...most importantly, you don't love them as it once was.  Your heart is finally free of the pain. 


Stage 5:  Finalizing the divorce.  This day is about YOU!  It's time to free your mind now that you have freed your heart.  After it's all said and done, papers signed and sealed by the court, go to lunch or have dinner with friends and family.  Make this day a happy day, not a sad one.  Your life is beginning a new chapter, it's not as scary as it sounds.  

I wish there was a magic pill that would allow you to get through those major lifestyle changes you have to make to get to where you are, or something that allows your heart to have never endured such pain where it feels like you can't breathe.  Your heart will go on (how cliche...I'm such a dork), you will love again.

Every person has that day that comes after the divorce where you feel like putting the top down or open the sun roof or just roll down the windows on the car, get in, start your car, get whatev is your fav song on your fav CD blasting, and hit the freeway and drive, drive, drive.  Play that song over and over again that makes you feel like you are living your life like it's GOLDEN...

GOLDEN - JILL SCOTT



This blog is dedicated to ALL MY FRIENDS for sharing their personal stories of divorce with me and their triumphs, which is what inspired me to reach out and help another.  You ALL know who you are♥






































Wednesday, August 4, 2010

BITTERSWEET....(**warning some pics may be offensive to others)

It would seem that everything these days for me is bittersweet.  I haven't been this "uneasy" in a while.  I have more weight on my shoulders than I want to carry around.  Sometimes I think I sweat the small stuff too much; I actually will build the small stuff into MAJOR stuff if I sit around and psychoanalyze it long enough.  I cannot really pinpoint my moodiness to one thing, but I do know the decisions in the end are somehow bittersweet

Everybody who knows me knows how much I LOVE DESTINI!  My bond with her is so great that even I am amazed!!  Before Destini came along I was just about the most selfish person I know.  When I say selfish, what I really mean is that I never had to put anybody's "needs" above mine.  And, I always thought that if I ever had kids that I would be a horrible mother because I was so selfish.

When Desi's mother was pregnant, I fell in love with Desi before she was even born.  But, I still wondered if I would bond with her in a way that would make me have that feeling that other mothers talked about.  Would I be able to put someone elses needs above mine every single second of the day?  She wasn't my biological child, could I be that unselfish?  I have 2 nephews and 1 niece (my side of the family) whom I love and adore and dote on (they are all adults now).  But, they were my sister's kid and my brother's kids, so all I had to do was just love on them and be Aunt Judy.....That Was Easy! 

When Destini was born, my bond was instant!  As if she were my own!  Over her little 10 months of life, I have wondered now how I ever lived without her before.  Her lil face, her big brown eyes, her smile, her lil fingers and baby toes.



So how can that be bittersweet you say?  Well, if you know the story of Desi and the trials and tribulations we have been through in her little 10 months of life, fighting to keep her and wanting her to stay forever with us, it's very bittersweet

I don't have any legal rights to Destini.  She is NOT my baby, she is a baby that I help raise.  Yeah, tell that to my heart why don't you!  I worry every day if she will be taken away from me and not live here anymore.  I worry every day if she will be here for her first birthday.  I worry every day if this will be the last ba-ba I make for her.  I worry, worry, worry.....

Destini is, HOWEVER, related to my husband.  Destini is my husband's third cousin!  It was NEVER a question of his feelings for Destini from the get-go.  It was an automatic love for him, she is his family!

Bug and I have been willing to bend our whole lives in another direction since day #1 for Destini.  I want her mother to know that and to see that if she took her away from us again, it wouldn't be fair now to Destini or us.  Destini's mother is young and she needs our help to raise Destini, which is something we are willing and wanting to do.  Because she is such a young mother herself, she doesn't always make decisions that would be best for herself or Destini.  Again, she is YOUNG herself.  As we all know, you have to let the younger generations make their own mistakes.  I certainly did!!  I didn't always take my parents advice (even though they were ALWAYS right in the end).  I am aware she needs to make her own mistakes, but I beg of her to please NOT take Destini through it.  Don't take her away from what she knows is home, a safe environment where she is loved more than anybody else could love her.  I wish I had a little reassurance and I would feel so much better.  I wish I could make plans to take her to Disneyland or Sea World next summer, but I can't. All we get to do is love her day by day, moment by moment in hopes that she will always be home to stay.

So, as I said, loving her is bittersweet.
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Bittersweet...We found out Desi's mother was pregnant last month, she was already 4 months along...YIKES!  Things weren't going real well between her and the new baby's father and she was really confused about being pregnant again.  She had options of adoption or keeping the baby.  Bug and I decided that we would support her decision in adoption, but that we just couldn't at this time help her to raise two babies.  I know she was confused and stressed out.  I finally convinced her to go the doctor and at least begin getting established with her OB again.  Bug and I felt she should have her boyfriend be involved and he should at least stand behind her during this pregnancy, until they ultimately make a final decision.

She did in fact go to her first dr. appointment and her boyfriend did accompany her.  Dr. Chavira's first question to her was WHERE WAS I AT?  I love Dr. Chavira ♥

Dr. Chavira did an ultrasound....IT'S A BOY!

She called me after her appointment on her way to work, and I think she was beginning to feel somewhat more at ease with the pregnancy.  I mean it's hard not to be excited about a human life...

About an hour later, I got another call from her saying that she had called the paramedics, something didn't seem right.  She could feel a head coming out!  My husband immediately rushed over to get her to the hospital.  The paramedics didn't seem so concerned for some reason.  They took her back immediately in the emergency department, my husband called her boyfriend who immediately rushed to the hospital.  I was impressed!

There was a strong heartbeat, good sign!  But, the baby was trying to enter the birth canal, bad sign :(  She was not even quite 5 months pregnant yet.  They were admitting her to the hospital and giving her medication to stop the contractions.  She went as far as overnight, until about 4am the next morning when she ultimately gave birth to baby boy O'Shay.  Baby O'Shay DID NOT SURVIVE at just under 5 ounces in weight.  

It was important that the family get to see him and hold him.  After a lot of back and forth with myself, a lot of great advice from friends, and with his mom's permission of course, I have decided to post pics of baby O'Shay Lee......


REST IN PEACE
O'SHAY LEE HAMILTON
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One of the things that stays on my mind lately is our immigration issue in the state that I have called home my whole life.  Bittersweet for me...

I am in no way going to turn my blog into a political debate on this issue.  I will say that this issue has broken my heart on both sides of the fence (no pun intended).  I have a friend, Robert (Hispanic), who was deported a few years ago back to Mexico.  I in fact had no idea he was here illegally.  He barely even spoke Spanish, didn't speak with an accent, talked just like me; and you just don't go around asking people when you meet them if they are here illegally or not.  Never even crossed my mind to ask someone that question.  He was our neighbor, lived right across the street.  He wasn't a good kid, a little juvie so to speak, nothing major, but enough to get him arrested and deported.  He has lived in the United States since he was 6 months old.  He didn't even know anybody in Mexico!  His whole family lives here!  At 18, he was being deported with no where to go, no family to turn to, no money, no clothes...a new life in a place with no opportunity.  I think I cried for this kid for a month straight.  He calls me when he can, which isn't very often.  I kinda felt like a mom to Robert, he always came to me for advice about girls and friends and work.  Again, it never occurred to Bug and I to ask if he was in the United States legally or illegally, nor would we ask anybody that question today.  We didn't know he was illegal until we saw ICE come and take him away in handcuffs and away from the only place he has ever known to be home.  I miss Robert and I think about him often.

On the other side, I feel that YOU MUST come here to our country, not just our state but our country, the legal way.  It only looks like "racial profiling" because all it took was for one person to throw the word "racism" in it to stir the pot.  You say the word "racist" and all HELL BREAKS LOOSE.  I do know that "illegal immigrants" in our country do look just like you and me.  We had a neighbor for years who was here from Haiti (clearly a black man) waiting for his immigration papers to come through.  My nephew is married to a German born woman (clearly as white as myself) who came here with her immigration status, visa and working permit intact.  So, NO I do not see color here in this immigration issue.  It's not about the color of someone's skin.  Immigrants, illegal or legal, are NOT just one color!  I couldn't go to another country without my papers intact, why should we expect anything less?

I blame the federal government for this.  We have acted so greedily and allowed people to enter our country without hesitation, and now we are in a MAJOR pickle.  We allowed 911 to happen in New York.  We allowed those people in our country and taught them how to fly airplanes...for the love of that ol mighty dollar.  Clinton knew long ago about Osama Bin Laden and his hatred for our country; Oliver North knew about Osama Bin Laden long ago as well, and in fact stated once that this man was our worst enemy, we should be careful and watch his every move.  We got lax.  We should have had our eyes wide open when it came to letting people cross our borders be it on foot, by airplane, by train, by automobile or by bus.

Illegal immigration didn't start at the border of Arizona for sure.  It's everywhere and it has to be controlled.  I love all human race, I pass judgement on nobody by the color of their skin or how they talk; I prefer instead to judge people as individuals and not generalize based on stereotypes.  I will, though, fight for my country and the safety of my family and friends to the end.  This issue leaves a horrible taste in your mouth at the end of the day when you watch this on TV day and night, night and day, protesters everywhere be it pro or con.  This issue also has taken a toll on my paycheck.  When the state cut off all illegal immigrants from any type of welfare or state medical assistance, we lost thousands of patients here in Arizona.  I am willing to sacrifice my money now for what will hopefully be a better America in the long run.

As I said, it's another bittersweet for me.....

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With rain comes humidity here in Phoenix....bittersweet!

We actually got us a storm this past week.  It cools us way down for about an hour and then we suffer the humidity for the next 3 days!!!!  UGH!!!

Storm is a brewin....


DESI CHECKIN OUT THE STORM:




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